


A Piece Of Our Hearts

by PapilioMachaon



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Affection, Anal Sex, Cheating, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love, M/M, Morning Routines, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:33:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23669218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PapilioMachaon/pseuds/PapilioMachaon
Summary: This is going to be a collection of one shots, mostly under 1000 words.Of course Die/Kaoru, cuz that's my OTP.More tags to be added
Relationships: Die/Kaoru (Dir en grey)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14





	1. Love is not a romantic song

**Author's Note:**

> So, the first and the last sentence Kaoru says to Die in this fic come from a Tumblr blog full of OTP prompts. The name's "creativepromptsforwriting", I think. Browsing through that page just made me come up with this.  
> Actually I was planing to write that as a side story for "Torn up", but changed my mind in the last minute as it just didn't feel right to make them an "old couple" XD Meaning, they've been together for... forever in this story.  
> Now it's a stand alone and will stay one. :-)

„I don’t miss you. I just miss us, and I don’t know if you feel the same, but I at least can tell you don’t miss me.”  
Kaoru didn’t even look up as he was saying this, opened another document on his MacBook and started typing. He couldn’t see the annoyance wash over Dies face, couldn’t see how the redhead struggled to keep his cool and to be honest, he didn’t know if he would have cared when he had seen. It wasn’t scary or unsettling him in the least anymore when the redhead got mad, when they argued. They rarely even did it nowadays, just preferred to stay away from each other when the mood wasn’t right.

The mood hadn’t been right for the last couple of months. 

“And you’re trying to say what exactly?” Dies voice cut through the silence, sharp as a razor as he now approached the smaller male on the sofa. He stopped right in front of him, getting Kaoru to finally raise his gaze.  
“Nothing? I said what I had to say and that’s about it,” the leader replied shrugging while trying to sound as indifferent as possible. It was something that made his boyfriend snap, after weeks and weeks of silence he finally snapped. Inflamed with rage Die slammed Kaorus laptop shut and gritted his teeth. Oh, he was boiling with anger.

“Die, what the hell?” the older male snarled, reaching for the others hand and grabbing onto his wrist. He pulled at it non too gently while the redhead tried to struggle free and get away but, in the end, had to submit as Kaorus grip was just too strong. He sighed and lowered himself onto the sofa, gaze locking with his bandmates. They stared at each other for more than a couple of seconds. It was like the clash continued between them without words.

“I miss the boy you were.” It was Kaoru who broke the silence, making Die smile. He could easily tell how fake that smile was.  
“I’m not a boy anymore, I haven’t been for quite a while now,” the words whispered past the redhead’s lips. And then the leader was touching him, his small callused palm cupping his cheek, dark eyes lingering on Dies face. When did he put the laptop away? Die did not know, did not care.

“Our love was young and wild,” Kaoru murmured.  
“We were young and wild, but we aged and our love… did too.” The redhead turned his head to the side just slightly and kissed his boyfriends thumb.  
“It still doesn’t mean I love you any less.” The leader wanted to make Die understand that, but the younger man didn’t seem to be easily convinced.

“That’s why you’re mourning the past? It hurt, you know? Your words.”  
His eyes held such sadness. Kaoru wanted immediately to hold him and make it better.

“I’m sorry. I just… we’re so occupied with minding our own business lately. I didn’t realise how quickly that became a habit and when I did, it was like you forgot about me,” the older guitarist admitted, hurting just as much and Die couldn’t leave it like that anymore. He wrapped his long arms around the smaller body, hugging him tightly.

“Don’t you think I wasn’t feeling the same way? I thought you didn’t care! So I went out and hoped, God I hoped so much you’d say something one day and when you didn’t I was _so_ sure you don’t give a damn,” he almost sobbed into the mob of Kaorus dark hair and a huge wave of regret washed over the leader.

“I’m so sorry Die. I was so stupid. We were stupid.” How could they have ended up like this? Being lovers for so long, being friends for even longer. They were supposed to be able to talk about everything, right? They had always done it, had talked about the things they loved, as well as the things that bothered them. So why did they stop now?

“Kaoru?”  
“Hm?”  
“Did you ever wonder if we, maybe, weren’t made for each other?”  
The smaller man grunted and kissed the side of Dies neck.

“No. People aren’t made for each other; they make themselves for each other,” he eventually answered and felt Die smile against his shoulder.  
Then their lips met in a deep, passionate kiss.


	2. Part Time Lover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to say to that :-|

He watched as Dies lips parted in a silent moan. His beautiful lips. Lips that could do indescribably lovely things to Kaoru and would slowly drive him insane. He loved seeing the blond this way, hair tousled, skin flushed. He loved watching him tense, arch himself towards him, begging for more, always more. 

His eyes followed the path off his hand against the others flesh, caressing a trembling thigh, slowly, ever so slowly working his way to where Die needed him the most.  
The first touch send a quiver through his body and Kaoru could feel his internal muscles clamp down around his cock at the intense stimulation, causing the bandleader to groan silently and hips to stutter.

“Kaoru. Feels so good. I can’t…” the younger guitarist began breathlessly but trailed off as the head of his bandmates cock hit that special spot deep inside him. He was on the edge of ecstasy and ready to fall off the cliff.

“Let go, Baby,” Kaoru urged as he pushed into the others tight heat, once, twice, never taking his eyes off Die as he suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, shuddered in wild abandon and came with a sharp gasp of completion. His cock coated both their stomachs in thick, white ropes, his muscles pulsed around the leader’s dick inside him and legs tightened around the smaller males hips. It was the last bit that pushed Kaoru over the edge, and he felt his climax race through him like lightning, robbing him of his senses, stealing his breath away. 

Over and over his cock throbbed, filling Die with slick, wet heat. A little groan forced its way past his lips while he rode on that wave of absolute bliss.

It seemed to go on forever, tremors of passion shaking their bodies as they clung to each other. The waves finally subsided long minutes later and both men slowly relaxed, kissing softly as their heart rates returned to normal. 

Kaoru shifted, slipping out of Dies body with a sigh.  
“We need to stop this,” he murmured into the blond hair of his bandmate and heard him chuckle not a second later.  
“You’ve been saying this for forever.”  
“Yeah, I know. But we’ll go to hell for doing this,” Kaoru grunted out, leaned back and searched for the others gaze. Instead he caught Die grinning smugly for a second before he shrugged.  
“Technically it’s you who’s going to hell. I’m not the one cheating on my girlfriend,” he corrected while his hands came up to fix the collar of the smaller males zebra printed shirt. Kaoru raised his brows sceptically.

“Oh, but it takes two to tango so we’re in this together my friend.”  
“Maybe you’re right. But I wouldn’t mind going to hell… with you,” the blond answered nonchalantly, and then their eyes met. Kaoru could see a whole ocean of emotions in those dark depths. 

He felt instantly guilty.

For making his girlfriend wait. Wait for that proposal she was hoping for for at least one and a half years now and that would never come.  
For making Die wait. Wait for him to finally admit the obvious, to finally admit that he was crazy about his bandmate. The one and only man who managed to turn his world upside down. 

He swallowed past the lump in his throat, searching for words but the other beat him to it.

“It’s okay,” he reassured as if sensing Kaorus discomfort, leaning in and pressing a sweet little kiss to his leaders mouth.  
“But if you say that again the next time we fuck, I’m going to kick your ass. Stop trying to give me the impression you’re full of regrets when you’re not. This won’t wash away your sins or clean your conscience.”

With that Die pinched his friend’s ass cheek non to gently before pushing him away so he could slide off the meeting table where Kaoru had nailed him mere minutes ago. They helped each other clean up, got redressed and shared one last kiss before continuing to work on their songs. 

And into that last kiss Kaoru poured everything he could, his insecurities, his longing, his love.


	3. One Million Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another... eh, whatever you wanna call it... coming right from a Tumblr blog full of OTP prompts.

A small smile creeps across his features as Kaoru watches Die scrunch up his nose in his sleep. It lasts only a second before it’s gone again and what follows is a quiet sigh that slips past his lover’s full lips, his mouth opening and closing with it, like a fish stranded on the shore. The leader can’t help but think it’s one of the most adorable things about the other man. Die does this every now and again and while Kaoru has found that kind of weird in the beginning of their relationship, has now come to like that very very much. 

He reaches out for the blonde, pushes aside a few strands from his face that could have tickled him and gently, ever so gently traces his thumb over Dies plump bottom lip, before leaning in and placing a feathery kiss onto it. He wants to wake him up, yes, but he wants to do it slowly. He wants to coax Die into this world with loving kisses, because that’s the way they prefer to wake one another up now. The way they established years ago.

With tons and tons of kisses because they love it just so much.

Kaorus smile broadens and he presses his lips against the blondes once more. He can feel him respond this time. Just slightly, barely noticable, but he knows it’s there, can sense it right away.

He thinks of one million kisses they had shared in the past, one million kisses they still like to share today, one million more kisses he wants them to share in the future. 

Kisses that come as a breathy demand: “Kiss me!” With no room for objections.  
Kisses that start as a brush of lips, followed by a pause before one of them goes back for more.  
Kisses of good morning and good night where neither of them thinks twice about them.  
Secretive kisses where they sneak away to a hidden corner to share a moment of togetherness.  
Fierce kisses that end with a bite on the lip, soothing it with a lick.  
Apologetic kisses when Die is pouting about things and later gets it removed by a kiss from his leader.  
Sweet kisses that taste of the blonde’s favourite dessert.  
Kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull the other closer.  
Kisses along the shell of his ear that make his knees go weak.  
Tracing Dies lips with a fingertip until he cannot resist any longer and tilts his lovers chin towards him for a kiss.  
A kiss so passionate, so perfect that after they part, neither of them can open their eyes for a few moments.  
Kisses that start on his fingers and run up his arm, eventually ending on his lips.  
Die distracting him with hot kisses that are meant to stop him from finishing their work.  
Wild and hungry kisses as they move around, hitting the edges of tables or nearly trip over things on the floor before making it to the sofa or bed.  
Tucking his hands beneath Dies shirt, just to watch him break the kiss and gasp in surprise at the sensation of cold hands on his skin.  
Kissing Dies wet, cold lips after getting into a heavy rainfall.

He loves all those and so much more, but if he had to name his favourite kiss, it would be the one that wakes his boyfriend up. The one that makes Die slowly open up his eyes and look at Kaoru as if he were the most treasured thing in his life before giving a heart-warming smile and wishing a good morning in his very own unique way.

“Oh, and here you are again, unable to leave the bed without your daily dose of love.”

And all Kaoru does is grin, because he knows Die too wouldn’t leave the bed without getting his own dose of very special love.


	4. Blind

Kaoru smiled as he suddenly felt a slight pressure against his arm, smiled even more when the man next to him jerked, startled, because he had not noticed that he was slowly falling asleep and only realised now after bumping his head against his bandmates shoulder. He watched amused as Die tried to open his eyes, tried to straighten up while fighting against an exhaustion so deep that it was almost paralysing. 

The bandleader didn’t mind having the other this near, he really didn’t. 

He stretched out his arm, let it casually slide around the younger man’s shoulders and allowed him to snuggle up against his side. 

Moments like these weren’t that rare. 

Kaoru had lost count of the hours they had spent at the studio while they were working through some guitar parts together. He had lost count of how many times Die had fallen asleep on him while they discussed riffs, scribbled down notes, played through new songs. 

It was in the middle of the night, just like any other time when that happened. He could also clearly remember the first night.  
When they were preparing for their America tour in 2013, when Dies hair was still red and cut so short you could hardly imagine it ever being that way comparing it to now. When his head sank against Kaorus shoulder from exhaustion he had teased his friend, called him old and a granny, earning himself a sharp nudge in the ribs. When it happened again some months later, he had laughed and got a glare as an answer. When it happened a third time, he had wound his arm around him, just like now, he had watched his friend, just like now, he had bent down and whispered words of “Just once. Just this once,” before he had kissed Die. And Die had kissed him back. 

Slowly, sensually, deeply. Mind-numbingly intense.

Kaoru could still taste him on his lips.  
It was the taste of a cinnamon flavoured chewing gum the former redhead had gotten into somewhere along 2000.  
He remembered smelling cinnamon on him all the damn time back then. He remembered hating it. He remembered loving it.  
He came to associate that smell, that taste with his bandmate and nothing would ever change it.

“Do you remember how we used to meet up at your place and watch every shit that came on TV in our early 20s?” he finally said, voice low and calm as if to not wake up the blond in case he had fallen asleep for good during the last couple of minutes. But Die hadn’t and so he gave the leader an affirmative nod, mouth curving up into a smile.

“Yeah. We had so much fun. Things were still so easy.” The former redhead slowly blinked up at his friend. They stared silently at each other for a couple of seconds and Kaoru could see a deeper passion in Dies eyes. He looked at him with his lids slightly dropped. It was a look full of tenderness and warmth.

“Yeah. Things were easy,” he then repeated, tightening his grip around Dies shoulders, pressing him more against the curve of his body.

Yes. 

Things had been easier when they had been blind while watching romantic comedies together, mocking the people who clumsily told each other what they never could.


	5. Can you find love again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is full of sap. Period.

I’ve always wondered what it’s like to fall in love as you get older, if it still happens at all when you’re in your 40s, 50s, 60s. I wondered so much that I didn’t realise when that happened to me. When after decades of friendship I fell in love with the leader of my band. It wasn’t as hard or fast as I was used to, that’s probably why I didn’t notice anything for a while. 

The first three times I fell in love, it was almost instantaneous, like an arrow to the heart. The most recent time it has been slow and bit by bit. 

When I was young, I knew less of what I really wanted in a relationship and I paid less attention to the negatives in my partners. As I got older, I got more aware of what I want, or don't want, and became more cautious. A pretty face and nice personality aren't enough anymore. 

Add experience and prior breakups to the mix? I really can't be bothered with wearing rose-colored glasses these days.

I call it a mature love now, something to develop over time rather than having that immediate, super strong feeling that blows off my head right away. I wouldn't say it's negative at all. I just take things slower and that’s totally fine.

I still get butterflies. Not as often. Not as strong, but my boyfriend still says or does things that make my heart skip a beat or two. Will it ever be as wild and slightly insane as it was when I was in my 20s? I sincerely doubt it. Which is definitely a good thing.

Me and Kaoru, we’ve learned what it means to love someone and be loved. We know what it takes to make someone feel loved. We know what love should be like and we can make it work. We can make "us" work.

Getting older actually isn’t that bad.

And falling in love in your 40s is great.


	6. Breakfast rituals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I remember Die saying in an interview (I guess? I don't know anymore, but it wasn't that long ago) that he usually gets up between 6 and 7 in the morning nowadays and I remember reading one of Kaorus tweets and thinking "Wtf dude, it's 3 in the morning in Japan" cuz obviously I’m not a night owl (dunno if it's possible to time your tweets? never really cared about that before XD) and well ... I came up with that.

Die suppressed a yawn as he settled his butt on a kitchen chair and placed the grande sized cup of coffee onto the table in front of him. He had come back from the gym some 30 minutes ago, had just finished taking a shower and was definitely ready to start the day with a big breakfast now, but quickly realisation dawned on him that he probably would have to wait for another half an hour for his lover to wake up so they could eat together. 

Because Die hated to eat alone.

Sighing lowly he unlocked his phone with his thumb and started to browse through various news while taking a sip from his mug from time to time. Two minutes into it he let out another sigh, checked the time and almost couldn't resist the urge to get up and go over to the bedroom to wake up his lover. 

Because Die hated to wait.

He rolled his eyes over his own behaviour afterwards, forced himself to stay where he was and continued reading. Or at least he tried.

Sometimes it annoyed him that Kaorus and his sleeping habits did not match each other at all. While nowadays the blond preferred to go to bed a few hours earlier than he used to some years ago, the leader still was a total night owl, doing God knew what till 3 or 4 in the morning.

Of course Die would be the only one getting up at 7 and then he had to occupy himself with whatever came to his mind until Kaoru would get up and they could have breakfast together. He had wanted to bring that up a few times already, but each and every time realised that he couldn't. 

Because when Kaoru came to him, pressed a soft kiss against his neck and slid one of his small, tattooed hands beneath his bathrobe to caress the naked skin of his chest, every thought slipped from the blonds mind.

“You smell nice,” the older guitarist murmured against his ear, voice sounding slightly hoarse from the lack of use. It caused a pleasant shiver to run down Dies spine.

“What do you want for breakfast?” he whispered while Kaorus fingertips travelled lower, brushed teasingly over his nipple and his lips, those god damn lips, traced down his jawline. 

“I want _you_ ,” he heard him say and it was everything the blond needed to hear, everything the blond needed to know. 

Suddenly their sleeping habits weren't that important anymore.  
What counted was the way his lover made him feel. 

Loved, wanted, treasured. 

And waiting for him to wake up was nothing compared to all the attention he got when Kaoru joined him in the mornings.


End file.
